An Unexpected Crisis: maybe I'm not Gluten Intolerant after all?

This gluten challenge hasn't been entirely what I expected.

Anticipating it, I assumed I would be exhausted, miserable and sick in my stomach right from day 1. And that over time that would get worse until I was pretty much bedridden. This assumption was based on my memory of how I felt before I went gluten free. Turns out, it didn't happen quite like that.


It started off fine (i.e. as expected) at Christmas-time,  when Mr. GFD and I were visiting my family, I started back on a gluten-filled diet. Any time I ate gluten during those days, I became mind-numbingly exhausted a few hours later and had to lie down and sleep it off. Also, I got very emotionally on edge, started crying about nothing, and getting irritated and frustrated very easily. All this didn't surprise me. The same thing happened before I went gluten free.

What did surprise me was after the first few days, when things hit a more even keel. No stomach cramping misery when I ate, no mind-numbing exhaustion. I felt tired and achy, and probably was a little grumpier than usual, but overall everything felt pretty good. Most of all, no brain fog, which had been one of my most difficult problems in the past.

I began to wonder if I was crazy. Did I really have a gluten problem? Why wasn't I wretchedly sick and miserable? How would I tell people "oh, after all that big deal about my gluten free diet, apparently I don't have a problem after all." How embarrassing would that be? But more than that, how could I possibly have been so mistaken? I remember how things were before the gluten free diet, and how undeniably different they were after - corroborated by comments from friends and family about how much better and happier I was. Was all that a dream?

I suddenly thought: was I just determined to be gluten intolerant? Was it now so wrapped up in my identity that if I suddenly found out I wasn't, I would be disappointed instead of happy that food wasn't making me sick? Uneasily, I feared this was true.

Then, about week 3.5, the old symptoms started coming back. I got more and more exhausted. I couldn't think straight or quickly about things. I would sleep like a rock for several hours for naps, but have trouble sleeping at night. My digestion started going downhill, and my tummy felt crummy. I also started crying easy and getting upset over nothing. My entire body aches constantly, I feel enormously sluggish and huge, and by the end of the day (or by the late afternoon, really), I am  completely fried.

So apparently, whether for good or ill, my fears that I had imagined my gluten problem were unfounded. I'm not sure why it didn't kick in immediately - maybe because since I'm not going to work right now, I don't have the same exhausting stresses to deal with daily.

Now all I can think is - is this really worth it? I can't WAIT for this pain and misery to go away. I can't wait to feel like myself again, have energy, be happy, and not semi-depressed and mentally exhausted all the time.